Email a friendDesignated Daughter
“When my mother became a widow, I became … the sibling who would try to take up the empty space that had always been filled by Dad. Instead, I found my own strong space, and learned that if you walk beside your mother … you’ll absorb her wisdom and her strength—which will carry you as far as you ever need to go.” —D. G. Fulford
Funny, poignant, and wise, Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom is D .G. Fulford’s uplifting story of how, after her father’s death, she returned home to become her mother’s closest companion—a move that brought her more in return than she could ever have expected.
D.G. recalls how she and her mother—a pair who are opposites in almost every way, including how they unload the dishwasher—came together to learn what it means to be best friends, and to need each other in the truest sense. Sharing her experience of the lessons, expectations, and surprises involved with caregiving, D.G. also reveals her unique perspective as daughter, mother, and grandmother—and the wonderful ways to honor four generations of family. D.G.’s eighty-eight-year-old mother, Phyllis Greene, adds her own remarkable voice, contributing her point of view at the end of each chapter. With humor and grace, D.G. and her mom talk about keeping in touch with D.G.’s two brothers as the entire family copes with the challenges and pleasures of change and transition. Woven throughout are the stories of other mothers and daughters who, despite many hardships and sacrifices, manage to draw from their mutual love and support and embrace these bonus years together as an opportunity to celebrate each other’s insight.
This is a heartwarming, refreshing, and inspiring mother-daughter story about sharing the very best years. Moving, sensitive, and above all, honest, Designated Daughter speaks to the joys and privileges of bringing generations together toward the end of life—a hopeful message for mothers and their children everywhere.Funny, poignant, and wise
“The term ‘sandwich generation’ implies that our parents are about as special as a slice of bread, but D.G. Fulford is here to prove otherwise. In this brave little memoir, she literally gives her mom, author Phyllis Greene, her voice: In every chapter, Greene shares her thoughts on ‘a beautiful road to journey’s end.’ In a culture that too often marginalizes the elderly, Designated Daughter demands that we listen to both sides of the story.”
—Karen Stabiner, author of The Empty Nest
“I have just finished Designated Daughters. Wow! It speaks to every one that is a daughter or son responsible for being there for an elderly parent. I have been a DD now for three years and each new day is a joy and struggle. I don't know whether I would have it any other way. I do have two sisters more long distance to mom so I knew years ago that I would be the DD. It is a job that I take seriously but knowing that I am not alone in this "duty" makes me feel so much better. Boy! We can be spotted anywhere and I now take the time to look at the relationships that are going on and the expressions on the faces of the daughter and the mother. I spotted a son and father tonight, neither looked very happy to be in their respective positions. Anyway, just wanted others out there to know this book is a treasure, and should be handed down to each generation. After all, my daughter will be a DD one day.”
—N. Suplicki
“In Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom, D.G. Fulford, with her mother, Phyllis Greene, gives everyone who reads this book a bonus! Readers will find a witty, touching, and inspirational story of a mother and daughter and how their relationship grows and changes with age and through life's experiences. After D.G.'s father dies, she decides it is best to move back home to be closer to her mother. She returns expecting to be a care giver for her mother, but D.G. quickly realizes she will be on the receiving end of care in many ways for very much of the time. As this mother-daughter team becomes friends and partners, the reader is led to reevaluate or remember their own relationship with their mother. Uniquely told, D.G. Fulford writes of the journey she makes but the book is richly enhanced by her mother, Phyllis Greene, adding her take on things at the end of each chapter. Phyllis Greene became an author herself at the age of 82 and their shared careers are a good foundation for the bond that develops. Both are different in many ways, but they soon discover that their mutual needs are met by their sharing this special time together. D.G. relates how their lives changed following her father's death and how they share so much together very much like many mothers and daughters do in the same situation. She realizes there are many mother and daughter partnerships like theirs and thus gives herself, and those like her, the nickname of "designated daughters." Everyday chores and experiences are dealt with but in a shared manner, with support and love, as well as adversity and sacrifices. The story also includes the role the rest of their family plays in important decisions for their mother as well as normal family celebrations and heartaches that are shared. Laced with stories of D.G.'s and Phyllis's friends' own shared experiences, the story is enriched with the celebration of each of these relationships. As Mrs. Greene ages and her health takes the normal turn that age will inevitably play on one's life, the bond grows with D. G. and this heartwarming, joyfully honest, and uplifting account gives all of us hope for the future and for the love that is shared with parent and child.”
—Karen Haney, Curledup.com
